PREVIEW OF HATE, WEEK 13: WHOSE MANS ARE THESE?

Welcome to The Preview of Hate, a wildly popular preview column following the Colorado State Rams athletic program. Each week, we’ll dive into "Tiers" of things I hate about the upcoming matchup. Whether that be the opposing team’s uniforms, city, campus, or even the actual game. This week, we look at the upcoming matchup with the San Diego State Aztecs.

As is tradition, before we leap the Tiers, it’s time to talk about the game that occurred last week.

The Rams welcomed in the New Mexico Lobos for what seemed to be their last chance to become bowl eligible this season. The Lobos, the top rushing team in the country, looked poised to end their losing streak and finally win a game against the Rams.

Unfortunately for them and fortunately for all of us who believe in the power of good, the Rams won. The offense looked incredible all night, scoring 49 points in three quarters and once again reminding me my worries in Nick Stevens were unfounded. He only had to pass 10 times all night, but he completed nine of them. The Rams ran for 412 yards. THREE running backs ran for over 100 yards, Michael Gallup added his own 100 in the air, the Colorado State Rams offense is good y’all. Bring on SDSU, bring them on.

In Hughes Stadium’s final game, the Rams made me forget all the bad memories I had in that stadium. I forgot about the 30 point losses to Boise, I forgot about the times everyone went home at halftime, for a second I even forgot about Pete Thomas! The Rams offense, which will return Gallup and Stevens and every running back on the roster, is good as hell. I’m the official hype man for them now, all hype trains must start with me.

But seriously, whose mans are these? Why is it whenever I think the Rams won’t be able to hang around they win? Why do they do this to me? I thought for sure they’d beat Air Force and the defense no showed like my prom date and just like prom, I was left crying on the dance floor.

Then they come to Hughes and look like world beaters versus New Mexico. It’s not fair, I’m upset! I’m out here expecting be the Rams to be one way and consistently they are a completely different way. I look like an idiot!

Now, San Diego State and it’s running back built from the Gods.

Tiers!

I know everyone thinks I’m going to roast Qualcomm Stadium, the hunk of concrete and metal lying in California that they decided they could try and play football in.

But I’m not, I like to challenge myself and frankly, Qualcomm is too easy. I owe more to you, the 200 or so readers of this thing. I owe you this.

Tier One this week is San Diego’s Old Town or as I like to call it “Old Building Tourist Trap with Mediocre Mexican Food”.

Old Town probably used to be cool. I honestly think most things that are lame used to be cool once, which I believe to be an honest and fair assessment. Bell bottoms, pagers, those shoes with lights on them. They all USED to be cool, so I assume Old Town also used to be cool.

Now, however, it is not.

San Diego is a very cool, very vibrant town with great Mexican food and awesome people. None of those things can be found in Old Town which is like a Disney prop for history with watered down salsa and tacos that are just ok.

What is most frustrating about this is that it almost feels like a trick. You go to Old Town and you feel like you got bamboozled by a hype man that didn’t exist. You were never told Old Town San Diego was great, you just assumed it would be. But it’s not. It’s just ok.

That’s all it is. An ok town with decent tortillas and a guy who gives ghost tours where he claims he’s opened the door to the spirit realm.

Donnel Pumphrey.

More specifically, what Donnel Pumphrey is going to do to us on Saturday night.

Pumphrey is second in the country in rushing yards with 1855. Wyoming is the only team in the conference to hold Donnel under 100 yards rushing and he’s run for over 200 four times already this year and added 198 against Nevada. He’s an absolute monster, a Heisman candidate, and the best running back in the country.

I know I harp on this every week, but the Rams rushing defense is a very leaky row boat. It’s the Fantastic Four movie, you know it’s going to be bad but you still just want to see it, you have to know how bad.

Teams average 214 yards a game and, apart from last week against New Mexico, good running teams have ran up their stats pretty easily against the Rams.

Maybe last week represented a turned corner and the Rams defense figured it out. They held UNM under 200 yards rushing until a garbage time 79 yard TD in the fourth quarter and looked completely in control of the triple option for the entire first half.

On the other hand, this is Donnel Pumphrey.

Tier Three

The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl.

Every time I see the Rams projected to go to this bowl game I plan my flight to Indonesia to live forever in the jungle and never again think of the word “football”.

What great punishment from God would that be? The Rams bowl game on that blue demon field from my nightmares?

Look, the plan is we go to Boise every other year and that’s it. There is simply no room for my tormented mind to experience the blue field twice in one year, I’m sorry but this will not do.

After last year’s disaster of playing freaking Nevada online, this would be back to back bowl years where I’m almost like “hmm, no thanks.”

It honestly feels like a direct attack on me.

Tier Four

In N Out Burger.

I know this isn’t San Diego specific, but this is the only time we’re in Southern California and I associate In N Out with SoCal.

In N Out is fine, a cheap burger that is freshly made and cute hats they make their poor employees wear. But that is it. That’s all it is. I think most people in Southern Cal would agree with me on this, to be honest. The cult of In N Out lives in states like Colorado and Utah, where the people believe because it’s not there that automatically makes it the best burger that has ever been placed upon this Earth.

There are dozens of good fast food restaurant burgers in this country. Shake Shack, Whataburger, Five Guys, Smashburger, pick one! Please stop sharing the fake news story that In N Out is coming to Denver. Please, I beg you. It’s a good burger but you do not need to act like it will change your life if it is within an hour of your home.

Thank you for listening to me rant all season. I’ll see you for bowl week.

SDSU by 20.