PREVIEW OF HATE, WEEK ELEVEN: THE NICK STEVENS APOLOGY TOUR

Welcome to The Preview of Hate, a wildly popular preview column following the Colorado State Rams athletic program. Each week, we’ll dive into "Tiers" of things I hate about the upcoming matchup. Whether that be the opposing team’s uniforms, city, campus, or even the actual game. This week, we look at the upcoming matchup with the rival Air Force Falcons.

Last week, at home, the Rams welcomed the 1-8 Fresno State Bulldogs. They were not a good host, demolishing the Bulldogs 37 or something similar to 0.

Fresno is a bad football team, let’s not act like the Rams were supposed to do anything else. But every week this team does something like they did on Saturday is another week where I find myself believing that they are a lot closer to being a Very Good Team (TM) than at the start of the year.

Nick Stevens, though, is the man I need to apologize to.

Stevens, who was awful against Colorado and appeared to have regressed in the QB competition of the spring and fall, was 19-for-24 with two touchdowns and 240 yards passing. He was in control, finding receivers with ease and never looking flustered. Yes, it was Fresno, but watching the Stevens now compared to the one Bobo benched two months ago is a real treat. So much so that I’ve written a letter of apology to the quarterback, it goes like so:

Dearest Nick Stevens,

Hello! How are you? I am fine. I am reaching out today to tell you that I am sorry. Over the course of the last two to 14 months I have sent numerous texts, tweets, Facebook messages, and spoken words that were negative attacks that disparaged your football skills. I want to take this moment to apologize for those things. I was just upset and you were under throwing receivers a lot. I see now that I was wrong. Please forgive me. I think you’re very good now and I hope to see you again soon.

Thank you,

Connor

That felt good, you guys. Really great to get that off my chest.

Let’s hop into the Tiers, Rams are going for bowl eligibility!

The Cave of the Winds

Let’s get one thing out of the way, I like to keep politics out of this because the comment section needs to be somewhat hospitable and I’d rather not have you yelling at me or each other over political views. So I’m going to skip the whole "C-Springs is so white and crazy!" and go into other things. You’re welcome, just another way I am a Hero.

Let’s hop into how lame The Cave of the Winds is.

This tourist trap best known for South Park’s phallus comedy jokes is a boring trip through some geology crap that is kitschy and overtly commercialized. The tour guides are dweeby, the place is filled with kids and Texans, and you’re being told being inside a wet, musty cave is actually a fun time. Oh yeah, sounds like I’m something I’d love to spend money on.

How much money you ask? 20 American dollars for every single adult that wants to go on a tour. That means this place, which is a cave and requires like nine minutes of maintenance a day due to being a cave of rocks, probably has a profit margin of 17 dollars per tour goer. How do I get in on this?

Half of the pictures when you google Cave of the Winds are literally pictures outside of the caves. That’s just a national park, you can find that anywhere else in Colorado.

Caves are stupid, I’ve seen the Descent, I don’t need your small rooms made of rock.

Tier Two

I can NOT get a read on this Air Force football team.

They started 4-0, albeit with an easy schedule, looked like they had put together another great rushing attack under Troy Calhoun, and appeared ready to rumble in the Mountain West.

Then they lost three in a row to Wyoming, New Mexico, and Hawaii.

Air Force is officially the bipolar team I’m terrified of. CSU is continuing to rise, no doubt, but Air Force has shown they could beat them. They’ve also shown this could be a blowout victory. I don’t like that at all. AT ALL.

I like knowing things. I like that I know that I don’t like broccoli. I like that I KNOW I like to listen to Kanye West. I like knowing whether the Rams are going to win or lose. I don’t know here. I don’t know! I’m scared! The world is cold and I’m a little baby boy with no clothes! Help me!

Tier Three

The fact that Colorado Springs is cool.

I want to hate that town so much. I want to be like "hey Colorado Springs...suck much?"

But it doesn’t suck. It’s got good restaurants and a couple of cool bars and the mountains are beautiful.

I’m so angry at this development you guys. I’m so angry that I can’t violently roast this stupid town for a funny blog online that like 200 people read. I’m so ticked off.

What a sham.

Shut up, Colorado Springs. Just shut up, you likable growing city of weirdos.

Tier Four

This game means a lot.

The Rams are 5-4 with three games to go. Air Force, New Mexico, San Diego State.

SDSU is an extremely strong team with one of the best running backs in the country, that game I’m going to start scratching an L next to with my giant knife.

Air Force and New Mexico (on Senior Day) though? Winnable games. Unfortunately, a loss to Air Force means a must win against an actually good New Mexico team that has won four games in a row (and counting). So now, this game right here, in Colorado Springs, means a lot.

This game that I haven’t decided if they’re going to win yet, this game that’s a toss up in every sense, could determine if the Rams are going to a bowl game.

I hate that. I hate that a lot. A rivalry game with added implications, gee thanks I’d rather die.

I’m also still ticked at Air Force for beating CSU in 2014 and sending McElwain’s final season off on a low note. So this game has all the makings of one where I grip my sadness pillow all night and sing myself some John Legend to sleep.

Anyway, Rams by 10. See ya next week.