PREVIEW OF HATE, WEEK SEVEN: THE BEST OF TIMES; THE BLURST OF TIMES

Welcome to The Preview of Hate, a wildly popular preview column following the Colorado State Rams athletic program. Each week, we’ll dive into “Tiers” of things I hate about the upcoming matchup. Whether that be the opposing teams uniforms, city, campus, or even the actual game. This week, we look at the upcoming matchup with the Boise State Broncos and their traveling troupe of fans we like to call “terrible people.”

Before we begin, let’s take a look at the previous week in Colorado State and discuss what happened last Saturday.

EVERYTHING IS GOOD AGAIN!

With a second half comeback energized by Collin Hill and completed by Nick Stevens, the Rams won a game I didn’t actually expect them to, beating Utah State and clawing back to .500 on the season at 3-3. Beyond that, Wyoming beat a good Air Force team at home and now I’m just thinking “Maybe Wyoming is good? Maybe I’m wrong ALL the time?”

Whatever the reason for this surprising victory, we can rest easy knowing that everything is good and nothing can bring us down ever again.

Oh, come on.

Hill was having a hell of a game and had just gotten the Rams back to within seven with a 60 yard touchdown pass to Michael Gallup when he hurt his knee. It wasn’t a good sign immediately and the news just got worse on Monday.

Collin Hill is done for the year.

Look, we can be positive all we want and say “Stevens isn’t a terrible option, maybe he’ll find some magic that he had last season when he led the conference in touchdowns.” We can say those things, we can shout them into our sadness pillows to stop the tears, but do we believe them? Do we really, truly, believe this team is going to be ok?

Hill wasn’t perfect, it’s not like the Rams just lost Lamar Jackson or the reincarnation of Johnny Unitas, but he was the starting QB and he was good. Now, he’s in crutches and Nick Stevens has to do his best against a Boise team that looks like it’s destined for a New Year’s 6 bowl.

But, the point remains, happiness is bad and fleeting. Pain and disappointment will always find a way. Don’t like sports, don’t like anything. All that will happen to you if you do is you’ll wake up one day to find your heart lying on the ground and news of your hype train being derailed and destroying a small village of innocent people.

This is probably a little too emotional for a freshman QB on a mediocre Group of 5 school, but love or hate the 2016 Rams, at least Collin Hill was fun to think about. He still is, he’ll be back, but it was more fun to watch him and think about it. Now we just get to think about it.

Let’s pick our emotions off the ground with a broom and hop into the Tiers.

The Boise Traveling Fans.

Traveling fans, as a rule, are often obnoxious. This isn’t a product of them, but a product of the environment traveling fans place themselves in. When you’re a traveling fan you automatically think you have to cheer louder, be more annoying, and overall exist at a higher plane of sports fan than usual. I’ve been a traveling fan, I get it.

But Boise, Boise takes the traveling fan mentality and throws it in those speakers of the car guitar guy in Mad Max: Fury Road. The fans that travel for Boise show up at the stadium, immediately begin to diss the ground they stand on, and overtly cheer for every first down like they invented them. In 2011, my final year at CSU, I watched the Broncos absolutely decimate the Rams (as they should’ve) and then I saw a Boise fan knock a snow cone out of a teens hand for daring to attend a football game against Boise State.

I’m not saying Boise fans don’t deserve to cheer or be happy, but in a conference full of strange fan bases, it is telling that you won’t find a single person outside of Idaho that doesn’t think Boise’s is the worst in the conference.

Before you start yelling at me in the comment section about other team’s traveling fan bases, run a straw poll at the next stadium you invade and see if anyone enjoys your presence.

If I’ve ticked you off, DM me on twitter and we can find a parking lot to fight in.

Tier Two.

A 31 point spread.

I’m not a gambler, I never have been. I’m too competitive and I hate losing, I can barely do fantasy football, I don’t want to gamble on single games. I don’t like handing my money to something I can’t control, I already hand my emotions to it, isn’t that enough?

But a 31 POINT SPREAD? I get it, Boise is extremely good again, the Rams are not good and the game is on that stupid blue field (more on that), but 31 points is ridiculous. The Rams will lose this game, they’ll likely lose it by two or three touchdowns, but a gambling spread of 31 points is like saying the Rams are currently fielding a roster of drunk middle schoolers and it’s unsure if they’ll even be able to finish the game.

31 point spread is the running clock of gambling. It’s “we know this game isn’t going to make us a lot of money so we have to make it somewhat difficult.” It’s disrespectful and I hate it!

Of course, now that I write this, the Rams will lose by 40, the Broncos will easily cover the spread, and everyone will remind me of my terrible, terrible article.

Tier Three

The Boise State website.

Believe it or not, I do some research before I start writing each PoH. Usually, I try and make ONE tier about the game itself and a matchup I’m particularly worried about. This week, I’m worried about all the matchups. Why? Because it’s Boise. They’re good. Pretty much everywhere. Maybe they’re a bit on the small side up the middle, but I’m sure they’ll work that out somehow with super mutants or some kind of stuffed pillow situation.

So to do this research, I usually hit the athletics website of the team I have to write about. Let me tell you, Boise’s website is not on the list of “good websites I’ve visited in the past year”. Not even close.

Here’s a dramatic reenactment of my time on the Boise State athletics website:

Me: I am on the Boise State Broncos website and I’d like to look up the schedule for the the Broncos.

Website: Ok, here is a fairly easy to navigate scrolling schedule, but if you’d like to see the whole thing at once, here’s a link to the full schedule.

Me: Oh, alright, I’ll click the link for the full schedule thanks.

Website: Ok, here we are at the scrolling schedule again.

Me: Uh, ok, but I clicked the full schedule link, I’d like to see the full schedule.

Website: Yeah, I know, but I just refreshed the page you were on before, want to try again?

Me: Sure, I guess.

Website: Here is a fairly easy to navigate scrolling schedule, but if you’d like to see the whole thing at once—

Me: Wait, you just refreshed the page again.

Website: Sure did.

Me: Ok, I’ll check out the stats for the team actually.

Website: Oh you want to check out the stats?

Me: Yes.

Website: So the team stats for the whole season, you wanna check out those stats?

Me: Yeah, why are you saying it like that?

Website: Well, you can try and click on the statistics tab.

Me: Ok.

Website: But it won’t take you anywhere.

Me: Why not?

Website: Dunno.

Me: This is awful.

Website: I’m going to frame you for murder.

Me: What?!

Website: Just kidding, here’s a fairly easy to navigate scrolling schedule, but if you’d like to see the whole thing—

That is more or less how it went down.

Tier Four

Your gimmick ass blue field has GOT TO GO.

It was fun, for like a minute. But it’s not fun anymore. It’s awful, it’s silly, and it’s stupid. I hope a P5 never invites you in just because of that stupid turf on your stupid field. I hope they tell you that’s exactly why they didn’t invite you. I hope a bunch of Smurfs come to the field and start trying to mate with it.

I hope your turf gets stolen by Oompa Loompas trying to make some wack field gum for Willy Wonka.

I hate your turf. Your blue turf is bad and you should feel bad for it. It’s not because I see teams lose on it, it’s because it’s stupid. Your field is a cheap gimmick, a parlor trick a salesman from the 1800’s would use, and it doesn’t belong here.

★ ★ ★

Rams by 20.

Tune in next week.